


It Takes a Tower

by CloakedSparrow



Series: Marvel Ficlets & Headcanons Collection [16]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, Avengers Tower, Comedy, F/M, No Romance, No Sex, Short One Shot, The Avengers Are Good Bros, baby preparations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 02:06:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11049054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloakedSparrow/pseuds/CloakedSparrow
Summary: How would the Avengers react if Tony and pepper where having a baby?





	It Takes a Tower

Tony and Pepper were having a baby.

Tony began to panic as soon as Pepper left after dropping the news because he is not dad material. Rhodey and Happy are there to support him however they can.

Meanwhile, Clint and Natasha think about all the trouble his kids got into and realize that a Potts-Stark Uber Baby is bound to be at least 50 times worse. They set to baby proofing the whole tower immediately.

Scott thinks about all the letters, photos and visits when Cassie was a baby and Sam thinks of all the times he babysat his niece and nephew and they remember that babies need to be entertained. They start buying rattles, blocks, pacifiers and baby-safe plushes for every room of the tower. When Baby Stark needs a toy, Baby Stark will get a toy. There will be no tears on their watch.

Bucky vaguely remembers finding an old dresser drawer as a small boy and making a safe place to put his baby sister because you need a secure place to put the baby down for it to sleep and you need both hands to do your chores sometimes. As a grown man, he can do a lot better than fixing up an old drawer now. He sets to making a crib for every apartment in the tower.

Wanda starts psychically controlling half a dozen crochet hooks and sets to making booties, hats, mittens and blankets because babies should never be cold and they need multiple sets of warm items as they’ll get them dirty.

Maria Hill arranges for several bottles, nipples and about a hundred pounds of formula mix to be delivered.

No one knows how Nick Fury finds out, but he sends more diapers than Tony thinks a single baby can ever go through. He is quickly informed that he is wrong and Rhodey and Happy spend another few days calming him down. Bucky is thrilled to learn that diapers are disposable now, pre-shaped to fit the baby and require no pins to keep them on.

Vision and Thor hit the internet to learn about child rearing as neither of them have ever had a reason to learn about it before. Thor becomes distracted by child entertainment and wonders why no one thought to tell him about Sesame Street before. It explains so much about Midgardians. 

Bruce and Steve also have no baby experience, but they prefer books and find several to pour over. Steve also pelts Bucky (who has moved onto building changing tables because he is not having a repeat of the time his baby sister urinated on his bed while he was changing her, thank you very much) with questions.

Darcy and Jane start sending adorable baby onesies and assorted Baby Einstein products from all over the world.

A mysterious friend (ie Phil Coulson) sends the complete Mr Rogers DVD set that no one even knew existed, because sometimes a kid could use a little old fashioned education.

Loki sends an enchanted teething ring that always stays cold. No one knows what to make of this but they can’t find anything actually wrong with the item, no matter how many tests they run. Thor keeps it in his freezer.

Once the tower is deemed baby-proof, Clint and Natasha take Steve, Thor, Bruce and Vision aside for Baby 101. 

“No Rogers, that is not how you hold an infant. Barnes, come here. Take this doll and teach your friend how to secure the head.” 

“Vision, Thor, repeat after me: 'there is no flying while holding the baby'.” 

“Bruce, breathe, you’ll be fine. If you can handle Tony, you can handle his kid. Do you want a baby safe-word?” 

“Also, Thor, this is an infant sized water balloon. Every water stain is a potentially dead baby. _No throwing it_.”

"Vision, don't make that face. I don't care if your default puzzled expression, you'll scare the baby."

"Good job, Steve. Now ask Bucky about feeding and burping."

"Points for singing the Sesame Street theme, Thor, but if you're trying to put the kid to sleep you need to take it down a few bars."


End file.
